My coming out to you

I feel like I should probably introduce myself/come out to everyone that’s taking the time to read my story and follow along . I’m 42-year-old trans woman that has spent her a whole life stuck in the wrong body in the wrong part of the country. Two things that I’ve come to the realization here recently I could’ve changed, but I was always too scared. I’m married to an awesome wife that I don’t deserve because of all the self-destruction I’ve tried to do over the years somehow I’ve been lucky enough for her to put up with my bullshit and stick around. We have three kids that Range in ages from 10 to 16 my kids of the world to me and I hate the fact I’m involving them in this roller coaster of a life I live. But I’ve spent my whole life trying to fit in the box that I was told I should fit in, and I came to a point here recently after a lot of self reflection and a suicide attempt, I’ve realized I don’t have to fit in their box so I’m stepping out. I’m figuring out what the world looks like for Christina. I take the time to write my stories and post my stories with the hopes of someone reading them and realizing they’re not alone and there’s other people out there just like them.

I’m telling you right now with 100% certainty if you know me just metme or saw me out in public never in 1 million years would you guess I’m Trans Or that I have started my transition. There were points in times in my life where I was the president of the good old boys club only jobs I’ve ever known in my life were blue collar jobs from a mechanic, Welder, operator, carpenter, or even the short stent working at the railroad. I’ve done the best to hide Christina from the world. I think I’ve been pretty successful, but in the process, I’ve done a ton of damage to myself. I’ve had a drinking problem since I was probably around 13 years old at times it’s been severe and other times it hasn’t been bad but when it wasn’t bad, it was because I was addicted to something else. Majority of the time it was trying to work myself to death. Points in my life it was nothing for me to work 115 to 120 hours a week. I figured out at a young age if I kept my mind busy, I kept it floating in alcohol. They kept Christina from trying to get out.

I guess the reason why I’m taking the time to write this and tell you all this is because I have been involved in a lot of conversations over the years with groups of people that were completely close minded and anti-trains I never said anything. I just sat there and kept my mouth shut. I regret that now I should’ve tried harder to educate people and let them know we’re all different in our own ways. I’m trying to figure out the best way to come out to the world and tell my story and I’m realizing I need to put a face to the voice. I don’t necessarily want to be a role model or get credit for what I’m doing. I just want to let people know you’re not alone. I understand what you’re going through.